The Rink Rat · hockey

To Whom It May Concern At The Worst Television Network in America:

NBC, you officially suck. And having spoken to at least four other hockey fans I can say that all American hockey fans hate you too. Regardless of our feelings for The Office, we all hate you with extreme, vehement abhorrence.

I feel like I’m about to tell off that dick from high school that thought he was the best, but that nobody really liked at all. I almost feel like I did when I wrote Domino’s to tell them their new pizza recipe still tasted like ketchup mixed with sawdust, then cooked, dropped on the floor into more sawdust, washed off with a garden hose and stuck in a box made of the same materials. This time I only have one piece of news that most Americans are already aware of: NBC sucks. Surprise, surprise, this is only an American problem. Canadians you can stop reading now and go back to worrying about the Russia – Canada Quarter Final match tonight.

People of America, you have spoken…and NBC already hasn’t listened. Don’t expect NBC to realize that they are a pitiful excuse for a television network. Conan already knows this, I’m sorry if you don’t. We won’t get money for nothing, and we certainly won’t get our NBC: at least not on time.

Look, I understand. Curling was cute and unique and all the rage four years ago. Then again, so were skinny jeans and nobody finds those quite so amazing anymore. Americans don’t care anymore, NBC. Get over the Curling thing, move on to something else, something Americans care about more. Is there a sport that involves food? Competitive eating? On ESPN 3? Ahh, so that’s where NBC’s viewers are going.

I realize that Stephen Colbert has endorsed Curling for these games. We all make mistakes. Maybe he can make it up to us by making “The Word” something relevant to us hockey fans, something like: “F Curling, my bad.” I don’t mean to take this out on Curling, its just one of the many sports our joke of a national broadcasting channel has decided to air instead of hockey.

Show hockey, on time. There aren’t that many games. It is the most popular sport at the Winter Olympics. You have no excuses. Don’t begin. Don’t start. Don’t try. You are a joke of a network and you need to realize that you have ruined much more than you have achieved. Without Cheers, Seinfeld, Friends, and The Office you have little more than a collection of terrible shows with fringe audiences. Your selection of shows is worse than the CW. If your network were a stock brokerage you would’ve gone broke during the Reagan administration.

Just because Americans don’t pronounce “about” as “aboot” and even though we have to accept Gary Bettman as a legitimate citizen, it doesn’t mean that we don’t care passionately about hockey. Well, at least some of us, but those numbers are large, and growing slowly with the addition of each Sunbelt team. Sure it’s not our national sport, but no one is really sure if it’s baseball anymore or football. So who cares? It’s more interesting than any other sport in the Olympics. That should be more than enough of a reason for NBC to prioritize it as the number one sport of the games. If it’s not, here are some others:

1. Best chance of seeing Donald Sutherland in the audience.
2. Get to see Jeremy Roenick and Mike Millbury squabble
3. It can’t snow inside
4. Amazing hits
5. Might get to see how Jaromir Jagr’s mom haircut inspired his own
6. Maybe that chick Shawn White will be there with her crazy hair
7. Zamboni’s galore
8. The sounds of hockey
9. Ovechkin, Hiller, Forsberg, Selanne, Thornton, Parise, Gaborik, et al.
10. Pierre Mcguire could get hit with a puck in between the benches

No, hockey doesn’t get the respect it’s due in America, at least not from the majority of the public. NBC can fail to broadcast the first HOUR of a Quarterfinal game with it’s own national hockey team, but it would never, ever dare of missing the first few laps at Talladega. Then again, maybe they did. Maybe that’s why they don’t have a contract with NASCAR anymore. Who knows? Who cares?

Give your viewers what they want NBC! Unless you don’t give a shit about your viewers and only care about ratings and advertising revenue and the bottom line. But, but, that can’t be the case. NBC cares, they have to, they show all those “The More You Know” public service announcements. They are for the public service.

This appears to be an exercise in futility. Americans will still go without live Olympic hockey coverage. Canadians will continue aboot their business and watch their hockey. NBC hasn’t only disrespect hockey, but it has disrespected it’s own country.

Watching ones national team and cheering for your country is a right a sports. We wait years for an opportunity to watch these teams. NBC has numerous networks. They have no excuse. Show us our team. Allow us our national right. Don’t deprive those people that watch your shitty shows the opportunity to enjoy some national pride. It’s not like there has been much to cheer about lately. Give us our games NBC. It’s your national duty.

Update: As of this posting, the US v. Swiss Quarterfinal game is 5 min INTO the SECOND period. NBC is airing All My Children instead of the game. The game can only be viewed on NBC online. I realize it’s important to find out whether or not Debbie comes out of her coma today, but can’t it wait a week?

Way to support the country, assholes.

Update2: End of 2nd. Ugh.