The Rink Rat

Kovalchuk in New Jersey

therinkrat — Wed, 31 Mar 2010 20:59:27 +0000

What Really Happened with Ovechkin in Vancouver

therinkrat — Wed, 24 Mar 2010 22:25:00 +0000

After aimless speculation and inane hypotheses regarding the “incident” during the Vancouver 2010 Olympics, the controversy can now be put to rest. TheRinkRat.com has obtained exclusive, “unedited” video footage sent to the site by a nameless and quite unreliable source. Regardless, we have decided to publish this shocking video to the public so they can make the decision for themselves.

An Open Letter to NBC

therinkrat — Wed, 24 Feb 2010 18:51:45 +0000

To Whom It May Concern At The Worst Television Network in America:

NBC, you officially suck. And having spoken to at least four other hockey fans I can say that all American hockey fans hate you too. Regardless of our feelings for The Office, we all hate you with extreme, vehement abhorrence.

I feel like I’m about to tell off that dick from high school that thought he was the best, but that nobody really liked at all. I almost feel like I did when I wrote Domino’s to tell them their new pizza recipe still tasted like ketchup mixed with sawdust, then cooked, dropped on the floor into more sawdust, washed off with a garden hose and stuck in a box made of the same materials. This time I only have one piece of news that most Americans are already aware of: NBC sucks. Surprise, surprise, this is only an American problem. Canadians you can stop reading now and go back to worrying about the Russia – Canada Quarter Final match tonight.

People of America, you have spoken…and NBC already hasn’t listened. Don’t expect NBC to realize that they are a pitiful excuse for a television network. Conan already knows this, I’m sorry if you don’t. We won’t get money for nothing, and we certainly won’t get our NBC: at least not on time.

Look, I understand. Curling was cute and unique and all the rage four years ago. Then again, so were skinny jeans and nobody finds those quite so amazing anymore. Americans don’t care anymore, NBC. Get over the Curling thing, move on to something else, something Americans care about more. Is there a sport that involves food? Competitive eating? On ESPN 3? Ahh, so that’s where NBC’s viewers are going.

I realize that Stephen Colbert has endorsed Curling for these games. We all make mistakes. Maybe he can make it up to us by making “The Word” something relevant to us hockey fans, something like: “F Curling, my bad.” I don’t mean to take this out on Curling, its just one of the many sports our joke of a national broadcasting channel has decided to air instead of hockey.

Show hockey, on time. There aren’t that many games. It is the most popular sport at the Winter Olympics. You have no excuses. Don’t begin. Don’t start. Don’t try. You are a joke of a network and you need to realize that you have ruined much more than you have achieved. Without Cheers, Seinfeld, Friends, and The Office you have little more than a collection of terrible shows with fringe audiences. Your selection of shows is worse than the CW. If your network were a stock brokerage you would’ve gone broke during the Reagan administration.

Just because Americans don’t pronounce “about” as “aboot” and even though we have to accept Gary Bettman as a legitimate citizen, it doesn’t mean that we don’t care passionately about hockey. Well, at least some of us, but those numbers are large, and growing slowly with the addition of each Sunbelt team. Sure it’s not our national sport, but no one is really sure if it’s baseball anymore or football. So who cares? It’s more interesting than any other sport in the Olympics. That should be more than enough of a reason for NBC to prioritize it as the number one sport of the games. If it’s not, here are some others:

1. Best chance of seeing Donald Sutherland in the audience.
2. Get to see Jeremy Roenick and Mike Millbury squabble
3. It can’t snow inside
4. Amazing hits
5. Might get to see how Jaromir Jagr’s mom haircut inspired his own
6. Maybe that chick Shawn White will be there with her crazy hair
7. Zamboni’s galore
8. The sounds of hockey
9. Ovechkin, Hiller, Forsberg, Selanne, Thornton, Parise, Gaborik, et al.
10. Pierre Mcguire could get hit with a puck in between the benches

No, hockey doesn’t get the respect it’s due in America, at least not from the majority of the public. NBC can fail to broadcast the first HOUR of a Quarterfinal game with it’s own national hockey team, but it would never, ever dare of missing the first few laps at Talladega. Then again, maybe they did. Maybe that’s why they don’t have a contract with NASCAR anymore. Who knows? Who cares?

Give your viewers what they want NBC! Unless you don’t give a shit about your viewers and only care about ratings and advertising revenue and the bottom line. But, but, that can’t be the case. NBC cares, they have to, they show all those “The More You Know” public service announcements. They are for the public service.

This appears to be an exercise in futility. Americans will still go without live Olympic hockey coverage. Canadians will continue aboot their business and watch their hockey. NBC hasn’t only disrespect hockey, but it has disrespected it’s own country.

Watching ones national team and cheering for your country is a right a sports. We wait years for an opportunity to watch these teams. NBC has numerous networks. They have no excuse. Show us our team. Allow us our national right. Don’t deprive those people that watch your shitty shows the opportunity to enjoy some national pride. It’s not like there has been much to cheer about lately. Give us our games NBC. It’s your national duty.

Update: As of this posting, the US v. Swiss Quarterfinal game is 5 min INTO the SECOND period. NBC is airing All My Children instead of the game. The game can only be viewed on NBC online. I realize it’s important to find out whether or not Debbie comes out of her coma today, but can’t it wait a week?

Way to support the country, assholes.

Update2: End of 2nd. Ugh.

Update3: Ok the US won. That still doesn’t let NBC off the hook.

Millenium Rings (Updated)

therinkrat — Tue, 02 Feb 2010 22:54:12 +0000

No championship season would be complete without the presentation of the Stanely Cup rings to the players and no millenium ring collection would be complete without the newest ring of the Penguins.

The rest of the rings from this decade can still be viewed here.

Two-Week Old Beet Salad

therinkrat — Tue, 17 Nov 2009 22:46:00 +0000

Hockey is back and has been back for some time now and yet I have written nothing since the Caps lost to Pittsburgh in an atrocious game 7 that left a worse taste in my mouth than two-week old beet salad. I went to the aquarium two weeks after the loss and got tossed for “verbally antagonizing” a penguin. I was just asking for him to throw my sunglasses back up to me. Sure I was yelling a little. And maybe I was calling the bird “Malkin” but you should have seen his beak. Fucker probably still has my glasses.

With the passage of time and the start of a new season the pain of loss becomes the ignorance of hope. The bitter hatred of all things Pittsburgh has subsided and I can finally start talking to my uncle in Edgewood until the playoffs commence. If only that were the real reason for my lack of lackluster insight over the past few months. If only the ignorant, obnoxious, bravely-anonymous pens poster could be right for once in his basement-dwelling existence, but alas no. If a single playoff game were enough to deter me from telling off any old Patrick Division fan well then I’d probably be more of a knob than someone who can’t post on a blog using his (or her) name. Thank you anonymous, you inspire me and remind me that its because of jackasses like you that I must continue to make stupid videos and provide subjective insight to every single one of my three readers. Bless you, and bless the Monongahela.

And bless you too Center Ice, bless you for everyone. When you move from the Northeast to the Southwest, it’s good to have Center Ice. Half the AHL used to be within two hours of my front door and now the closest team is about to move to Ontario. At least I can go see Gretzky coach a game live. What’s that? He’s not? Ah, I see, well sorry, they don’t talk much about professional hockey around here. Now that Arizona celebrates MLK day I’m sure that it is certainly capable of having it’s own hockey team. It’s gotta do well once it gets going and gets a fan base.

What? 2003? Really? Hemorrhaging money? Oh, right.

While reading about this crazy hockey situation in the “local sports” section of the paper – which covers Padres baseball, Las Vegas Renegades semi-pro football as well as the weekend rodeo results – I came across a quote regarding the recent Coyotes bankruptcy ruling.

“In hockey parlance, the court is passing the puck to the NHL, who can decide to take another shot at the sale net or it can pass off the puck,” wrote Judge Baum in his ruling on Wednesday, September 30th.

Talk like this just has to stop. Like the situation isn’t embarrassing enough for the NHL without the judge’s forced and cheesy hockey metaphors. Judge Baum should leave the hockey metaphors to those ex-players who like bad puns or to the analysts that just don’t care what trash comes out of his or her mouth. Only when “Smokin” Al Koken starts presiding over local bankrupcy cases will it be okay for people like Judge Baum to use hockey as the base sport for bad metaphors. We all know it was a hockey-related case but for now please just stick to baseball for all bad sports-related commentary. That is at least one decision that will make everyone happy.

Building a Capital Community

therinkrat — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 02:17:42 +0000

Michael Pivonka was the first person who ever tried to teach me to skate backwards. I had no idea what he was saying. I didn’t understand a word. I had never played hockey and had no context for what he was trying to explain. His accent didn’t help either, but it didn’t matter. I was hooked.

That was in 1987. It was at Washington Capitals hockey camp. At the end of the week I got a Certificate of Completion signed by David Poile and Yvon Labre. I got my picture taken with future Hall-of-Famer Scott Stevens and I learned that you could actually play hockey if you lived below the Mason-Dixon line.

It’s interesting and amazing to see the way the residents of the DC Metro area have started supporting the Caps. It helps that they have Ovechkin, Green, Backstrom, Semin and are playing as good as ever but these seeds were sewn a long time ago.

Hockey didn’t just sprout in Washington, Virginia and Maryland overnight. It’s been growing for a long time. The Capitals have always been active in that regard. They allowed for the creation of a hockey community and then they fostered it and watched it grow.

They are responsible for more than just putting a great team out on the ice this year. They are responsible for having made a 34-year investment in a city and in a metro area that has not only grown as an NHL community, but as a overall hockey community. And the Caps are responsible for that growth. The Caps are also directly responsible for turning out some great hockey players.

Caps fans should be proud of what the 2008-2009 team has accomplished, but they should be just as proud as what the team has accomplished for the hockey community in and around the District since they entered the league.

Unfortunately, I did find a couple photos from some of those years at Caps camp. They might be a little embarrassing, but it could’ve been worse than just the bowl cut. I could’ve been sitting next to Larry Murphy.

Scott Stevens

Mike Ridley

Some City Will Suffer

therinkrat — Sat, 04 Apr 2009 02:17:34 +0000

The playoffs progress. Two game sevens are scheduled for tomorrow. Two game sixes commenced last night and two more are ongoing at this moment. For the pure hockey fan the daylight hours signify a waiting, a need, only satiated when the puck hits the ice later that night. But those fans live for the purity of the sport. They are the ones who will come home or go out and default to watching hockey. Those fans don’t need their team to be playing to love the game. It helps. But since so many of those fans live in Toronto, they aren’t used to seeing their team in the playoffs. It doesn’t matter since they are just as happy to root against Montreal. Or maybe they will pull for Vancouver because of some OHL connection or because their grandkid lives in Pentiction,BC or some other city somewhere. Those are true hockey fans.

While those fans might need hockey as much as hockey needs them, they aren’t as invested as Aunt Edna living in New Jersey right now who’s not totally sure what icing is but is damn sure that Zach Parise is cute. Now I may not agree with her about Parise, but I will admit that such passion for an NHL team is what the playoffs are all about. They are supposed to insprire those fans that some call ‘bandwagon’ to rally behind their team. They are supposed to inspire a city. They are supposed to make Raleigh, NC and Calgary, AB scary places to visit. They are supposed to make you hoarse at work the next day. They are supposed to make you appreciate all those years your team missed out.

Tomorrow night will feature the first two game sevens of the 2009 playoffs. Four cities will watch and hang on every hit and every shot. On Wednesday some of those residents will go to work and get coffee and prepare for the rest of the year without the thought of hockey. Other fans will prepare for another series, another test of emotions and another step toward The Cup. And still others will be devastated. They may miss work. They may just exist in a haze. But they will survive. They will graviate back midway in the second round after the scars aren’t as raw.

Some city will suffer. That is what game seven does. It ensures elimination. One team will exit. I just hope it isn’t mine.

Twitter Made Me Famous

therinkrat — Wed, 04 Mar 2009 19:14:27 +0000

My massive overstatement of a title notwithstanding, I did manage to get one of my tweets quoted in the Washington Post over the weekend. I grew up on the Washington Post. I read it every day. Tony Kornheiser was the man (although, so were these guys). I dreamed of writing a sharp, witty, insightful column that people clamored for every Tuesday and Thursday. I’m not counting anything in the Style section.

Instead, I started a blog. And I’m pretty sure that I’m now only 7,852 page views behind an average Kornheiser post. I guess you can call that progress. In the virtual world there are ample opportunities for fame, its just that now, the time frame has dropped from 15 mintues to 15 seconds. It’s much easier that way. My “fame” had come and gone before I even knew about it. I didn’t have to deal with the paparazzi since 1. they don’t care and 2. they have no idea what I look like since I’m just a screen name. Sure, Kornheiser has a byline, a cable show, a national weekly prime time sporting event and tons of money. But has he ever had one of his tweets published (online) in the Washington Post. Well, I’m not actually sure, but I’m going to say no since he probably thinks twitter is idiotic.

Well Tony, it feels pretty damn good. Maybe not as good as that first time you were published in the print version of the Post. But we digital now, baby, and my backhanded jab at Marc-André Fleury’s soul patch is the only thing people seem to be discussing. Sure its only the three other people in my cube, but they’re talking a lot. Oh wait, they stopped. It’s already been 15 seconds. That was quick.

Sydney’s Outing

therinkrat — Sun, 01 Mar 2009 05:45:03 +0000

Syd the Kid goes for a walk on a nice Spring day.

Autism, Hockey and Inspiration

therinkrat — Thu, 26 Feb 2009 15:23:01 +0000

Below is an inspirational story about a Washington DC area hockey team that plays a special role in the community and in the lives of all the people it touches. It serves as a reminder of how large an influence hockey, and sports in general, can have on a child, a family and even a community.

Interestingly enough, Washington DC is where longtime autism spokesman and Athletes Against Autism founder Olaf Kolzig played for 16 years. Along with Byron DaFoe and Scott Mellanby they have “realized the importance of using their status and influence to make an impact on the over 1.5 million people in the United States alone affected by autism.”